Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele

Does Your Loyalty Hold You Back?

December 09, 2020 Jaclyn Steele Season 1 Episode 51
Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele
Does Your Loyalty Hold You Back?
Show Notes Transcript

Today, we talk loyalty. Often times, loyalty is viewed as an admirable trait, and most of the time it is, but could your loyalty be holding you back - in relationships, in work, in life? If I know anything, it is this: life is precious. And so is your loyalty.

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Where that, my boy, my friends, we are rounding out the year and closing in on the end of season one. I'm so honored. I'm so honored. And I'm so floored that we are at almost 52 episodes. Happy Wednesday to you. I'm glad you are here. Today's topic is a question and it is this is your loyalty holding you back. But before I dive in, I want to do a self discovery spotlight. And this self discovery spotlight is a five star review from Claudia B. And she writes podcast poetry, this poet teacher, and fellow pilgrim uses words rife with illustrative imagination, I can see them in my mind, my own experience with that awful whip of productivity, those dreaded feelings that are actually the crumb trail to my own self discovery. The incessant searching for more information when a wealth of wisdom is already inside of me. She describes a road we all walk. There were simply too many things in this podcast mentioned with which I can identify. So I will finish with this. pour yourself a cup of whatever you enjoy. get comfy and listen. Learn, yearn, engage and grow. Cannot wait for more. Claudia. Thank you. I'm so honored again. Like, I'm getting a little emotional as I'm wrapping up this first season because it's just been such a joy to create this. And if you guys haven't left a review, please do you know by now what I have to say about this, it helps the algorithm it helps the podcast, get out to more listeners, and hopefully bring a lot of light and love an aliveness to those who are listening. So share it with a friend write a review. I love you guys. Now I'm going to dive in to today's topic, like I mentioned, it's a question and it is does your loyalty hold you back. And this is something that I've been thinking about recently. And it's kind of an interesting topic to tackle, right? Because most people would say that loyalty is a quality, that they really, really value in themselves. And in others. I would agree. And I value loyalty a lot. And I'm a particularly loyal human being, which is why I want to talk about this. Upon inspection of what loyalty really means and looks like in action. I think sometimes our loyalty can get us into trouble. And I think it can at times, even stunt our growth. And at other times, hold us back and even prevent us from living the lives we know in our hearts. We were meant to live. So here's my question. Does your loyalty hold you back? I want to give you a few examples. From my life that I've been reflecting on where I feel like my loyalty has gotten me into trouble or held me back. First thing that came to mind is I stayed in a relationship for too long when I was young because I was loyal. I knew it wasn't the right relationship for me. I knew I wasn't going to marry this person and that there wasn't a future there. But I allowed my loyalty to this person, someone who valued loyalty very much themselves to prevent me from breaking up with him, even though the relationship wasn't progressing in a healthy way. Another example, I tried to salvage a relationship with my best friend from middle school after after she cheated with and started dating my boyfriend when I was out of town. Talk about some weird loyalty issues there. And some self worth issues. Another example, I stayed at a yoga studio that I no longer enjoyed going to and wasn't growing up because I'm a loyal Lydia. I sacrifice growth and enjoyment at my yoga practice to stay at a studio that wasn't fostering anything in me except resentment. And that's my own fault. If you are in a toxic environment, get out. Even if you love some of the people involved stop steeping yourself like a tea bag and a place that will leave you feeling drained and hollow and a side note I think sometimes, especially in places like yoga studios or healing centers, it can be very jumbled and confusing to feel like it's no longer a safe place for us because these places are meant to be safe places. But, you know, everything is about leadership and everything is about timing. And it also depends on where you are in your life. And sometimes we outgrow places and it does us no good to stay at them or in them because of our loyalty when we're leaving every session or every class, feeling weird and icky and unwelcome. Okay, next thing, I was loyal to bandmates that didn't show up for rehearsal. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I was loyal to bandmates that couldn't keep up with the music I was writing. Day after day, week after week, month after month. I tried to make a professional relationship with someone who was working for me work, even though this person continually proved they weren't committed to the job. I accepted emotionally abusive treatment for years from someone in my family because I thought that was the right thing to do to keep the relationship afloat. I ignored manipulation and consistently being taken advantage of by someone because we were quote, friends. That's also a self worth issue. Guys. Another example I lived in multiple places I didn't enjoy living because I felt like the relationships I had in those places were more important than my well being. I stayed in a friendship with someone who is so volatile and not trustworthy and not safe. Because we had been friends since childhood. And I felt a sense of obligation and loyalty. I downplayed my own wins. So I didn't make other people comfortable. I was in relationships with people that when I would have success, it would make them so uncomfortable that they would make fun of me or belittle me etc. And so I stopped being myself and started shrinking in order to stay in those relationships because of my loyalty to them. I played small for fear of what my success might make others feel I bit my tongue and allowed my boundaries to be crossed, so as not to rock the boat, in relationships that I felt loyal to. I listened and comforted and made concessions when someone was so upset with me for telling the truth. Can you imagine apologizing to someone because you upset them for telling the truth. Guys, as I get older, I'm realizing that I have to be comfortable with taking up space in my own damn life. And for me, that means letting uncomfortable silences continue to be uncomfortable, if that means not compromising my beliefs, or my integrity means telling the truth in love. When an important boundary of mine has been crossed, instead of just letting that situation go. Because we have to stand up for ourselves. It's a self worth issue if your boundary has been crossed. And it is a boundary that means something to you. You have to say something and you can't continue to let that happen because we teach people how to treat us. Ah, it means sharing my voice and letting that be enough. Or in other words, dropping some knowledge and not cushioning it or contextualize it or explaining it into oblivion. It means not apologizing. When I make someone uncomfortable for simply being myself. It means not apologizing for something someone else did that I have no control over. I know we've all been there and done that. It means not apologizing for taking up space in the room. It means not apologizing for being a woman with ambition. It means understanding that not everyone will like me. Even some people I considered friends, maybe even some family members. Here is what I am learning that I wish was talked about more as we grow and as we expand individually, we outgrow certain rules. relationships in our lives. This doesn't mean that we're better than someone else or anyone else, it just means that our paths are no longer running parallel. If we can get comfortable with this reality, then we can grow beyond so much of what holds us back. My friend, my beautiful, Brilliant Friend, if you are listening to this, know that you cannot grow in conditions that are toxic. You cannot expand an environment environments that are built on keeping you small. You cannot amplify your voice, your beautiful voice around people that don't know how to listen. You cannot self actualize around folks who refuse to be self aware. Be careful with your loyalty. It is precious, because you are precious and your time is precious. Paolo suela. And the manuscript from acro writes, loyalty has its roots in respect and respect is the fruit of love. And love drives out the demons of the imagination, which distrust everything in everyone, and instead returns purity to our gaze. He cites that loyalty can never be imposed by force, fear, insecurity, or intimidation. And because it is a choice, it will never tolerate betrayal. But we'll always be generous with mistakes. That is real loyalty. Real loyalty is given out of respect, and love, not out of duty. Johnny Cash in his biography, said that he was too loyal to some of the people he met and hired early in his career. And his loyalty ended up costing him a lot in the form of opportunity. And I just want to ask you guys that? What is your loyalty costing you? Who are you giving that loyalty to? And what are they expecting in return? And is that something that you are willing to continue to give for the rest of your life? I want to end with this thought. Life is short. Be careful who you pour your loyalty into. And if loyalty is holding you back from expanding, consider what would happen if you let go and kept walking forward? Does that thought breathe life into your lungs? Does it spark joy in your heart? Does it fan of flame and your soul? Then go forward? We can wish everyone along our path light and love and still be the heroes of our own lives. You have been listening to self discovery with Jaclyn Steele. For more information or to submit a question please visit Jaclyn steele.com slash self discovery pod. On Instagram I am at Jaclyn Steele and that's j AC Li n s t e l e and on YouTube you can find me@youtube.com slash official Jaclyn Steele. If you haven't already, please sign up for my high vibe Thursday newsletter where I send one email a week aimed at inspiring and elevating your day because you freaking deserve it. You can sign up in the show notes or by visiting my website Jaclyn Steele, calm. May you go and be big and brave and bold today. Remember that life gets easier when we know who we are, as always. And until next time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening