Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele

Are you the driver or the passenger of your life?

October 06, 2021 Jaclyn Steele Season 2 Episode 88
Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele
Are you the driver or the passenger of your life?
Show Notes Transcript

One of the primary goals of this podcast, dearest listeners, is to empower you.  And today, I want to lovingly remind you of how powerful you are.  How under any circumstance, like Marcus Aurelius wrote, you can get a hold of yourself quickly and get back into rhythm when you decide to.

I have news for you, friend.  You are the super hero of your life.  You are the main character.  The star.  The hero or the heroine.  What you do next is completely up to you.  You can feel defeated and let life pass you by, or you can pull yourself up and get into the driver's seat and steer the car in the direction you want to go.

Quote Mentioned is from:

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman

PRODUCT MENTIONED.....
EVERLANE:

https://jaclynsteele.com/everlane/

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Light, Love, & Peace,

Jaclyn Steele

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Jaclyn Steele:

When forced, as it seems, by circumstances into utter confusion, Get a hold of yourself quickly. Don't be locked out of the rhythm any longer than necessary, you'll be able to keep the beat. If you are constantly returning to it. Marcus Aurelius meditations 611 Hi, I am Jaclyn Steele and welcome to self discovery. Howard Thurman so beautifully wrote, don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive, coming alive. That my friends, is what self discovery is all.

Unknown:

Where that man?

Jaclyn Steele:

Well, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to this episode of self discovery with yours truly, Jaclyn Steele, I have had a full day I'm recording this at 519 at night, and I'm so happy to just kind of be back in the saddle and back in the swing of things. I think I've told you guys I'm getting my office back into shape. I still don't have my desk. I ordered it in May. But it should be here question mark. Maybe. And I have been doing a lot of computer work today. I have my puppy right next to me Shiloh, she's like, Bob, it's dinner time Hurry up. Um, and I was just listening to one of my favorite bands of all time Johnny swim. And they have a new single out called devastating. And when I first saw the title of the single I was like, Ah, there's so much heaviness in the world. I don't know if I want to listen to a song called devastating. But this song and it, gosh, it goes so perfectly with the topic of last week, which is about unconditional love. But the song devastating is about how if we're not devastated at the end of the relationship, what is the relationship for and it's so beautiful that the band johnnyswim it's actually a husband and wife team. And some of their love songs are just unbelievably good. I know I got on a tangent

Unknown:

here, because this has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk to you guys about today. But

Jaclyn Steele:

really good band really good song I highly recommend. So you guys know the items of business that we talked about at the beginning of every podcast episode. The first one is about my text message community and how I send out sacred rebel affirmations every single week. And these are just meant to empower and uplift you get you thinking and if you want to join this community, I want to invite you to do that. And you can do that by texting 405316858, that's 480-531-6858 and that is in the show notes as well. And then after you opt in, just type in the word sacred, and you will get these messages for free. I'm also I'm excited to share this is the first time I've ever done this going to do a little seminar about fear and what I mean about or what I mean by seminar is I'm gonna have a zoom, a live zoom about fear and overcoming fear and not allowing fear to be the driver of our lives. And so if you're interested in joining that, make sure you sign up for my email list that's also in the show notes. You can go to my website as well Jaclyn Steele, calm, and I'll send out an email when that's going to be the cost will be between 30 and $50. But, you know, like I've said in this podcast, there's so much fear going around in the world and people are making decisions out of fear. And I really want to pull back the curtain on that and get us back into a place of empowerment and feeling sure about ourselves, our minds our bodies are decisions in a way that completely separates itself from fear. second order of businesses if you ever left a review for this podcast and you are a regular listener, what in the world please please leave it a review makes such a huge difference. And I want to hear from you. Your reviews I read every single one of them they mean the world to me and they give me fuel to keep going. So today's episode is all about being the victim, or the victor? And how we have that choice? Or in other words, are you the driver or the passenger of your life, one of the primary goals of this podcast when I started it, gosh, going on two years, it'll be two years in January. The primary one of the primary goals is to empower you. And today, just like when we were talking about fear in the last month, I want to peel back the curtain. And I want to peel back the layers. And I want to lovingly remind you of how powerful you are. And I think that is worth saying, again, you are so powerful. And I want to address how under any circumstance, just like Marcus Aurelius said, in the quote that I mentioned in the beginning of this episode, you can get a hold of yourself quickly, and get back into the rhythm of life, whenever you decide to, even despite chaos, or the unexpected, I think it's valuable. Before I share a couple of stories from my life, how important it is to understand if we are playing the victim role in our lives, or if we are playing the Vic door role. Or in other words, if we're in the passenger seat of our existence, or if we are driving, the victim regularly responds with phrases like, that's just my luck, or this kind of stuff just happens to me, or why me, the victim also tends to respond with inaction. This is a key, waiting instead to point their fingers at someone or something to blame, waiting, waiting, waiting for life to be different. But not doing anything in their power to change the tides. In opposition to the victim is the victor. I'm sure you guys can see me right now, because I use my arms and my hands so much when I'm recording this podcast episode, and I probably look so hilarious. But again, going back to the topic at hand in opposition to the victim is the victor. And the victor regularly responds with phrases like, well, that may be a lemon, but how can I make it into lemonade, or that did not go like I wish it had. But I learned so much in the process. And now I'm better prepared for the next time. Or my life really isn't where I want it to be right now. And I'm willing to admit that. So who do I need to contact? Or what do I need to read? Or who do I need to hire to help me change that? Or, this is really tough right now. And it's a big loss. I'm going to allow myself to grieve it. And then I'm going to celebrate life and appreciate every moment, even more, because every day is a miracle. You get the idea, right? And I'm sure you know people in both of these camps in the victim camp and in the victor camp. Let me ask you this, who do you like hanging out with more? Which camp Do you lean toward? Alright, so I'm starting a new segment of the self discovery podcast called, these are a few of my favorite things. And these are me highlighting brands that I absolutely love that are sustainable and ethical. And yes, I am an affiliate for them. So when you purchase I get a little kickback. But that is what allows me to keep making this podcast and pay my bills. So that being said, I want to introduce you to one of my favorite brands of all time ever lane. They stand for exceptional quality ethical factories and radically transparent pricing. Essentially because they are direct to consumer they cut out the middleman so you can get cashmere and silk and high quality cotton apparel at a price that will not break the bank. And this is what they have to say about their process. At everlean. We want the right choice to be as easy as putting on a great t shirt. That's why we partner with the best ethical factories around the world. Source only the finest materials and share those stories with you down to the true cost of every product we make. It's a new way of doing things and we call it radical transparency. I remember when I purchased my first everlane sweater, taking it out of the packaging, I immediately thought oh this is what a sweater is supposed to feel like the quality is truly exceptional. And I know I will have the items I have purchased from them for years to come. When I need a seasonal refresh in my wardrobe. everlean is consistently one of the first places that I visit. I shop there for my husband as well because he loves their t shirts and button downs. Anyway you get the picture. I absolutely love this brand. That's why they are one of my favorite things, and I have some of my favorite pics of the season at the ready for you to view on Jaclyn Steele comm slash everlane. Again, that's Jaclyn Steele comm slash everlane. And you can also get 10% off your first order by going there. So all the links are in the show notes. Now back to the episode I'm going to use myself as an example here of when I have been in both camps, because I'm human, and I have played both roles in my life. First, I want to talk about a time recently where I slipped into the victim role. And as silly as it sounds, it centers on two pieces of furniture from West Elm. And I'm laughing out loud about this because now in hindsight, I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is so ridiculous. But this is also self awareness in action. So what happened was when we moved into our house in May, Sam and I really didn't have any furniture. We sold most of our belongings last summer. So the summer of 2020, when we were moving into our RV, and about to embark on a, you know, road trip that we didn't know how long it was going to last. And so we sold pretty much all of our big furniture, except for our bed frame, and our nightstands and some rugs. And so last May, when we moved into this house and 2021, I found these, it was a set of dressers from West Elm, that I was like this is going to be perfect for this house. I love these so much I know that I'll like them in another house as well, it's going to be worth the investment. And so I waited to purchase these because I was like I want to save up some money, I want to buy them at a time where hopefully I can get you know, 10% discount, whatever. And what happened was, I waited, and then they went on sale. And then I waited a little longer only to find out that these dressers are now on their bestseller list. And they've gone up in price by almost$1,000. So when I saw within a period of probably 10 days that they went from on sale, and like super affordable to then $1,000 more, my heart sank. And I was so upset over these freaking dressers because I've been waiting to purchase them since May. And I found out that even if I did just eat Crow, so to speak and spend the extra$1,000, they weren't going to be here until February of next year. So I was like double whammy. I'm getting upset about it again, just thinking about it. But I'm not going to let myself slip into the victim role. So I sat down on my couch after I had looked on my phone only to find out this news. And I wallowed in it for probably 20 minutes. And I was like, Jaclyn, you have a choice here, you can let this affect the rest of your day. Or you can hit the reset button, put your yoga mat out, put on some workout clothes, and just get this out of your system. And understand that you don't have to be a victim to these circumstances. So then I decided I can actually be a victor. In this situation, I can switch from victim to Victor and take control of the situation do something about this. And so I decided that this could ultimately be a really good thing. Maybe I would find it at a better price

Unknown:

in a couple of months or like Black Friday,

Jaclyn Steele:

crossing my fingers. Or maybe that wasn't the set for me. After all, maybe I am about to find something that is even more something that I love at a better price, et cetera. And so what I want to say in this situation is we have to take ownership of our choices and stop placing the blame on others. It's not anybody's fault that I didn't purchase these dressers when I could have and then they went up in price. This is super difficult at first. But when you start doing it, meaning owning your choices regularly you realize how empowering it is because it allows you to be in charge of your life. You are not waiting on anyone for anything anymore. When you are owning your own choices and decisions and not blaming anyone for them. I feel like a great example of this for me is with money. When I started my branding firm in 2017. I don't know if you guys know this or not but I had two partners. I I at that time didn't believe in myself enough to start a business on my own. And what happened was, I ended up waiting on them for everything. They are wonderful people, I love them so much. But they were not in the same headspace that I was regarding business and being willing to do whatever it takes to make it successful. Instead of running my small business, I felt like I was just managing my partners and their lack of follow through an organization. And when the partnership broke up, when the band broke up, so to speak, I was faced with a decision, I could fold and let the business go and blame them for it, or take the reins on my own and make the business and what I wanted it to be in the first place. I chose the ladder. And guess what it took off, I was asked to speak at the University of Georgia Small Business Center, and I was added as one of their preferred vendors at the University of Georgia. I was even nominated for a Best of Georgia Small Business Award. I stopped waiting. That is really the moral of the story. In this one, I stopped waiting, I stopped blaming anyone else, and I took charge. And my friends, it made all the difference. All the difference, I got back into the driver's seat. Now, I don't actively run a branding firm anymore, because it no longer felt aligned with where I want to go. In the future. However, I will forever be proud of what I built in the lessons I learned along the way in the process. And we are all human. We are not one thing all the time. I'm not always a victim or a victor. However, we have a lot of control and power over our emotions and thoughts and actions. And we have the power to choose to sit in the victor seat whenever we want. If we feel ourselves slipping into the victim role, we can stop create awareness around that and get back in the driver's seat. Maybe a helpful question for you when you find yourself slipping into the role of victim is this. What would an insert your favorite superhero or role model? do right now in this situation? How would they react? Would they crumble under the pressure? Would they give up? Would they start pointing fingers? Would they be wallowing

Unknown:

in Why me?

Jaclyn Steele:

No, they will dust themselves off and figure out a game plan. And my friends, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can do the same thing. You are the superhero of your life. You you you gorgeous badass listener are the main character of your story, the star, the hero or the heroine. What you do next is completely up to you, not your friends, not your parents, not society. It's up to you. You can feel defeated and let life pass you by or you can pull yourself up and get into the driver's seat and steer the car in the direction you want to go. Essentially, choosing the victor roll is all about raising your frequency and focusing on what can be done to make things better versus what cannot it really can be that easy. Once you are in motion and you have a little momentum that momentum picks

Unknown:

up speed like a snowball rolling down a cliff.

Jaclyn Steele:

I want to shout this from the rooftops because I believe it in every cell of my being. You are so incredibly an undeniably powerful and you are ultimately my beautiful listener are in charge of your life. We can choose to be victims of our circumstances, or we can choose to be victors. I encourage you to sit in the driver's seat