Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele

Mental prep for the Holiday season (to keep your calm not your chaos)

November 24, 2021 Season 2 Episode 96
Self-Worth with Jaclyn Steele
Mental prep for the Holiday season (to keep your calm not your chaos)
Show Notes Transcript

The Holiday Season is upon us and with it comes so much excitement AND, for some of us, anxiety. Whether it's family matters, your budget and Holiday spending, panic buying and crowds, or perfectionism - this episode is all about setting you up for a Holiday season of internal peace and deep joy.

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Jaclyn Steele

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Jaclyn Steele:

Hi, I am Jaclyn Steele. And welcome to self discovery. Howard Thurman so beautifully wrote, don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive, coming alive. That my friends is what self discovery is all where that man All right, beautiful listeners, Happy Wednesday. I am feeling so good. today. It's Friday before the Wednesday that this podcast is coming out. So I'm just a few days. In the past right now, I had a great doctor's appointment this morning for baby. Everything seems to be going well, I'm entering my third trimester, which is so exciting. And so wild that this baby is going to be here in three short months, I feel like it's going to go by so fast. at the checkout part of my appointment today, I had to make all of the rest of the appointments for the rest of my pregnancy. And it just feels like I'm the finish line is in sight, which is wild. So anyway, I'm feeling really good. I also had an incredible coaching call with a client today that was just so beautiful. I haven't been doing a lot of coaching. I'm not advertising it. It's really just word of mouth stuff. And I'm finding that the people who are finding me are such incredible souls. And I am gaining as much from the calls and the sessions as hopefully they are. So all of that to say I am in a very elevated mood today, but also very spiritual mood. I feel like myself, I feel like I'm in the flow. I feel like I'm so freakin happy to be here recording this podcast episode right now, knowing that your beautiful ears are going to hear it because I cherish you to the max. And I'm going to do something I haven't done before on the podcast. So if you know me personally, you know I love oracle cards. I love tarot cards, I love all things spiritual crystals, everything. The Akashic records, I do Akashic record record readings for clients that every time I cry. It's just such a powerful experience. But that is not what I want to say. What I want to say is I pulled a card for this podcast episode today. And what I felt like was a message going into the holiday season so before I pulled the card from this deck, it's called the Threads of Fate shadow edition Oracle Card. And if you know anything about shamanism and spiritual work, we're all working on our shadow side. So shot shadow is not a bad thing. It's a good thing. And before I picked a card I asked, okay, what do we need to hear? This holiday season. And this episode is all about mental prep for holiday season. I wanted to plant seeds in your heart that give you so much peace as you walk into this beautiful season that we so many of us look so forward to. But there's also a shadow side to it where there's chaos and and sometimes overspending and difficult family relationships and being pulled in a million different directions, especially if you come from a divorced family like I do. And so there's wonderful parts to it. And there's a shadow side and so I asked

Unknown:

the universe God higher power. What do you want us to know? What is the message

Jaclyn Steele:

going into this holiday season that we can hold on to and that can be a totem or a talisman for us as we walk through the next month. And the card that I pulled is ascension. How beautiful is that ascension? And the message with ascension is this. This card is a testament to all of the work you have done. It is a nod from the universe that your efforts are seen and are being rewarded. Things are moving forward and you will continue to progress and reach a higher state of consciousness and as well as earthly success. Are you guys getting excited. This card can also be encouraging you to deepen your spiritual, your spiritual practices, and work toward alignment with the highest codes of your being. Life is all about moving and reaching our true potential. You are well on your way, keep going. On the flip side, this card can also indicate an imbalance around spiritual practice. Sometimes we can become completely reliant on all things spiritual and may ignore the earthly plane in real issues. This is referred to as spiritual bypassing. Another form this takes is continuing to focus on clearing and up leveling, but not integrating. It can become an addiction and all about moving into the next thing. We're moving on to the next thing. And we think it's okay because it is spiritual in nature. But in reality, it can be disempowering. If this resonates with you work on grounding yourself, and perhaps slow down. So what I get from this as a few things, and I think it's also important. If you're listening to this right now, you are on the path to ascension, you are moving forward and you will continue to progress and reach a higher state of consciousness as well as earthly success. So beautiful, let's celebrate. In that vein, so many of us, myself included, we are learners. We love to learn, we love to study. But we have become so comfortable in that state of learning and studying and trying to progress in that way that we have forgot to integrate what we are learning into our lives. And there is no better time to integrate than when you are spending time with family because my friends, as I think it was rom das said, You think you're spiritual, go spend a week with your family. So as we enter this holiday season, and spending more time with our families than we probably normally do. Let us work on not only our individual, spiritual ascension, but also ascension in the realm of integrating what we have learned into our relationships with our family members. I feel like this card could just not be more perfect for today. Okay, before I dive in to mental prep for the holiday season, and keeping your calm instead of your chaos. A couple things if you haven't left me a review, please do they make such a giant difference. And if this podcast has meant anything to you, it would mean the world to me if you leave a review. Also, I am doing a big giveaway for the 100th episode of this podcast. I'm so excited to be doing this. I'm doing three presence. The presence are comprised of things that I absolutely love. Each present is over $50 worth of goods. And they include things from Parker clay, they're Leia pouch, living libations best skin ever serum, which I've talked about on this podcast and I'm had the creator of that serum on this podcast, a Selenite crystal for clearing. There is a prize box with the magic of I journal I have a couple of these journals and have given them as gifts multiple times. If you know me, and you are a client of mine, you have received one of these journals for me, Palo Santo incense sticks for setting the tone of your day or your office. Then there's another box with a bag of rice, which is my favorite superfood coffee, a doTERRA lavender oil rollers so that you can relax at any point in your day and have all the yummy smells. A strawberry quartz crystal, which symbolizes universal love, and more palo santo sticks because I feel like you cannot get enough of this. If you want to enter to get any of these prizes, all you have to do is leave me a review on iTunes on Spotify, or Apple podcasts or Spotify. screenshot that review and send it to Hello at Jaclyn Steele comm I'll have that linked in the show notes. And if you want bonus entries, send me a video review and an audio review. Or send me a video review or an audio review. And each entry gets you one more or each of those things gets you one more entry into winning one of these boxes that I will send out around Christmas time for me to you with so much love. So please enter that I want to send these gifts out, I'm going to do it with such joy. And I have all the presents in front of me right now. And it makes me so happy thinking about three of you opening these gifts. So please do that. Next order of business sacred rebel affirmation texts. If you want to get those, I send them out a couple times a week. They're so precious and heartfelt. And you can sign up by texting 480-531-6858. Again, that's 480-531-6858 and then type the word sacred after you opt in, it's a free service for now. And I just know that, that my heart wants to connect with your heart. And those text messages are a great way for me to be able to do that. Okay, now, let's dive in to today's topic. My beautiful listeners, the holiday season is upon us. And as I've said, I love this time of year. And, and there's something about this time of year that causes me great anxiety. Sometimes it's the family aspect. Sometimes it's spending a good chunk of money. Sometimes it's the crowds and the traffic and the panic buying. And I just like when people talk about going out and shopping on Black Friday, that is kind of my worst nightmare scenario. So that causes anxiety. It also is sometimes the perfectionist in me that wants the food to be perfect, the tree to be perfect, the presence to be perfect, and everyone to have the best time ever, for everything to go off without a hitch. And all of these things mixed together can give me massive amounts of anxiety and you get the idea. I'm sure there are elements of this that you can relate to, if not all of it, the holiday season is magical. And it can be extremely stressful. So I wanted to address this and really dive into what I'm thinking for myself, not only to empower you, but to reiterate into my own being my very cells, that this doesn't have to be a chaotic time, I can choose to move in the opposite direction. So as I have gotten older, I'm 35. Now, I take the holiday season, I try to be very intentional and very aware of how I approach it and what I'm doing. And so I want to share with you some things that have worked really beautiful for me, really beautifully for me that if you feel led, I think would work really beautifully for you, too, if you implement them and integrate them into your holiday season. So let's start with the importance of your morning. I know this sounds so simple, but it sets the tone for your entire day for my entire day. And I know for me, if I go into any day of the year without first mentally preparing, I will feel like I'm playing defense all day rather than being on offense. And you guys know the difference. It never feels good to be like to feel like you're on defense all day. I hate this feeling is one of its biggest pet peeves. Because I want to feel the opposite of that I want to feel in the flow. I want to feel present. I did a whole episode last week on presence and how it's the portal to happiness and peace and calm. And my morning sets the pace and tone for my day. So it doesn't have to be complicated. You can do this in 10 minutes if you want to or less. You could do it in five minutes if you wanted to and break it out into one minute one minute segments. But here's what I do and what I recommend, especially especially if you have family staying with you. And you are the host entertainer coordinator, okay? This is like vitally important. This first step and that is wake up before the chaos in your household starts. Even if it's five minutes, I promise it will make a difference. Grab a cup of coffee or tea. Find a comfortable spot, an open Insight Timer. It's a meditation app. I love it. I've been using it for years and find a meditation that speaks to you and focus on your breath for at least five minutes. Again, if you don't have five minutes to do this, then do it for one minute. Do it for 25 seconds it will make a difference then After meditating and allowing your breath to energize you, and bring life into your lungs, read a book that inspires you for a few minutes, it could be something that's been sitting on your shelf for years, that jumps out to you, when you look at it right now or tomorrow morning or next week. Read it for a few minutes, allow those words to settle into your bones. And then get out of journal. Get your thoughts out, get your worries out your fears out anything that's taking up space, in that gorgeous brain of yours. Maybe even consider writing out how you want to feel that day, and what you want to focus on. And however you want to do it, incorporate what you're grateful for as well. And feel the gratitude. Don't just write it and gloss over it,

Unknown:

feel it, let it seep into your bones into your bones.

Jaclyn Steele:

For me, I've been choosing a word of the week. And the word that keeps coming up for me is abundance. And so in the morning, I think about abundance and what is making me feel abundant that day, and how many things that are just bringing up and springing up so much abundance in my life. And fun story, I ordered a crystal for this giveaway that I'm going to be giving you guys it's a selling night heart crystal beautiful. And in the box, I ordered from my favorite crystal company in Sedona, Arizona. And in the box they sent me I think it's called a cinnabar. I may be getting that wrong, but they sent me a free crystal as a thank you for ordering from them I've ordered from them many times. And that crystal signifies abundance, how beautiful and how full circle is that. So that's just a side note. But what you focus on blossoms. So if you're focusing on the negative, you're going to get more negative. If you focus on the positive, you're going to get more of the positive. So choose that intentionally and choose that wisely. Another tip here, if you feel holiday chaos setting in at any moment during the day, during this season or beyond, stop and focus on what you can be grateful for in the moment. I know this is so hard sometimes. But gratitude has been proven over and over and over and over and over to change our state. And it is one of the fastest ways to change your state. There's nothing like gratitude to get you out of a tumultuous emotional state. Again, what we focus on appreciates. So whatever you're focusing on, you're going to create more of and gratitude is an awesome thing to be creating more of. In today's segment of these are a few of my favorite things. I want to introduce you to one of my favorite ethical jewelry brands brilliant Earth. I recently did a blog post about brilliant Earth and what a wonderful ethical jewelry brand they are. I talked about how I was introduced to blood diamonds through the movie Blood Diamond with Leonardo DiCaprio in the mid 2000s. I also share in that blog post my proposal story with Sam, and how that went down and a snafu I made during that proposal. So if you want to read about that, go to Jaclyn steele.com and type in the search bar brilliant Earth and that blog post will come up. But this company is absolutely incredible. When they couldn't find a standard that met their mission, they created a new one. Brilliant Earth started a rigorous protocol for Diamond sourcing that goes beyond current industry standards. It's called Beyond conflict free diamonds it's trademarked, and all their diamonds are selected for their ethical and environmentally responsible origins. They were one of the first jewelers to offer blockchain enabled diamonds at scale to provide a traceability of a diamonds origin and ownership. Choosing a brilliant Earth diamond or piece offers unparalleled transparency of your diamonds provenance. They are also a certified and audited member of the responsible jewelry Council, the leading ethical standard within the jewelry industry. Last thing I want to say about them before I share a couple of my favorite pieces is that they strive to use 100% recycled precious metals to minimize their footprint and help diminish the negative impacts of metal mining precious metals and I didn't know this, but they can be recycled rubber heatedly without degrading their integrity which means brilliant earth not only does not compromise quality or beauty, but they make sustainable jewelry. Can you see why I'm such a fan of brilliant Earth, they're incredible. And their offerings are so wide ranging. They have beautiful earrings, bracelets, necklaces, gemstone rings, one of which I'm going to ask for a push present. They have engagement rings, wedding bands, and honestly what I would consider a full line of heirloom pieces for everyone stuffy who are going to want to pass down in a wide range of prices. I think you will be so pleasantly shocked to see the different price points and how affordable their jewelry is. You can visit Jaclyn steele.com/brilliant Earth to shop some of my favorites and find more fine jewelry you will be certain to cherish for decades to come. Again. That's Jaclyn Steele calm, slash brilliant Earth. Happy Shopping and happy shopping with heart. This episode of self discovery is supported by living libations I was turned on to this company after my Hashimotos diagnosis. I've always always loved clean beauty products, but living libations is clean on another level. I'll explain a little bit about why their primary ingredients are plant oils, and plant oils are botanical miracles. When oils are skillfully combined, the mosaic effect of 1000s of plant compounds burst forth with an intelligence and a life force that defines every single living libations creation. This not only makes their products extremely effective, and I can attest to that because the first night I started using them, I noticed a difference the next morning one freaking night. But it also makes these products smell amazing like heaven. In addition, living libations products are cruelty free, they're fair trade and almost all the products are raw, gluten free, and vegan. I cannot say enough about this incredible company, I have so many of their products I have their best skin ever cleansing oil and seabuckthorn I have their rose Renewal Serum, it's heaven, I have their soothsayer serum. If you feel like your skin is aging. This is a perfect serum for you the soothsayer serum, I have their happy gumdrops for healthy teeth, I have their shampoo and conditioner, I have their frankincense toothpaste, I have their deodorant, I have their love butter, I could go on and on and on about all the products that I have from them. And I am mindfully switching out all of my old products in exchange for living libations products because of the efficacy of their products, the mission behind them and the way that the company is run their commitment to diversity and environmental protection. Anyway, all that to say this is a company that I absolutely believe in and want to continue to support. If you are feeling at all overwhelmed by all of their high quality offerings like I was in the beginning, I recommend starting with the best skin ever. In seabuckthorn it smells amazing, and you can cleanse and moisturize with it. Visit living libations.com and use code Jacqueline 12 for 12% off your purchase, living libations.com And Jacqueline 12 for 12% off your purchase. Links are in the show notes. And now back to the episode. Okay, next thing I want to touch on, beyond mentally prepping your day with that time in the morning is dealing with family, which deep breath I know can be difficult. The first thing I want to say, and this is a piece of advice my husband gave me so I cannot claim it as my own. It is do not catastrophize don't dwell on what could happen. Or the inevitable bull blow up that is sure to follow the cutting of the turkey as much as you can be present. Be there and then when and if something happens, kindly speak your truth and lay out a boundary. I'm going to give you a couple examples of boundaries because I feel like I get so many questions around how to open up these conversations in ways that are not like fire starters in ways that can be neutralizing. So for somebody who makes a really a servic rough around the edges comment or maybe they are an acerbic rough around the edges kind of person. You could say something like hey, whatever My name is May I speak with you privately for a moment? I'm so grateful that you're here. But the way that you just said that right now did not sit well with me. Would you mind if we rephrase that and start over? Okay, another boundary. This is for like the person who steps out of line and causes a scene, we all have one of those people in our family, right? You can say, hey, whatever their name is me, I speak with you privately. And the reason I say May I speak with you privately is because it is a trigger, often when people are corrected in public. So we don't want to do that we don't want to add fuel to the flame. So whatever this person's name is, you speak with him in private, I love you. Or if you don't love them, you know you, I care about you so much. But I am not willing or able to tolerate that kind of behavior. So you have a choice here, respect my space, or leaf. If it's not your home, it's a little different. I have done that in my home before. But if it's not your home, you can also say something to the effect of, you know, I'm so grateful to be with you here today. But the what just happened was not healthy for me. And if we can correct it wonderful, and I'm willing to stay, but if not, then I am going to very respectfully leave. And I know people have opinions on this. But in my opinion, protecting your peace, and protecting your energy has to be of the utmost importance, it is not a sign of selfishness, it is a sign of self worth. Okay, next boundary. And this is the last one I'm going to go over and go into detail about but for the passive aggressive person, I feel like we all have one of these in our family too. And people who are passive aggressive. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. And it's something that I want to create some more grace around. But I don't like passive aggressive behavior. So you could say something like this, hey, whatever their name is, may I speak with you for a moment? What you just said, sounds like there's something deeper underneath. And I'd like to discuss it. Because if I've hurt you, I would like the chance to apologize. And I find that with passive aggressive behavior, generally, there's something underneath it. And if it's not unearthed, the situation just breeds resentment. And I would like to avoid that. So you get the idea. You guys are intelligent human beings, listen to that, listening to this, I don't need to give you a play by play of what you need to do. But hopefully those examples will spark a little something. If you are feeling like you don't know what to say next. Okay, in as much as your family, my family drives me, are you insane? If you can, and this is something that I am going to be working on and have worked on in past holiday seasons, but try and be present and appreciate them for what they are, instead of lamenting over what they are not. Because here's the truth. They are yours. And they probably aren't going anywhere. anytime soon, right. Oh, Rosa, that Kacey Musgraves song about family. It's a really cute song, you should listen to it if you haven't. Okay, in the event that spending time with a family member for members, triggers you in a way that would make you feel uncomfortable for the whole day, or an extended period of time. Consider protecting your peace and respectfully not attending that family event, or not inviting that family member over. I mean, you can do it with kindness. There are tons of ways to do it with tact. And there are different schools of thought on this. But my opinion is that universally right now there are so many of us that are growing and healing at a rapid rapid rate. Because the next season whatever is coming, we are going to do all kinds of healing work and light work. However, we can't do healing work and light work. If we haven't healed ourselves first. doesn't mean we're going to be perfect, but it doesn't mean that we're going to have done the work. And so if you are one of those people and you know who you are. You don't need to add more trauma on to trauma. If it can be be avoided. It's not a badge of honor. I used to think it was a badge of honor. Like, I can take it, I can take it, I'm strong enough. And it never served me. So protect your peace. In regard to family, I want to end with this and then I'm going to move on to the next thing. You are not responsible for other people's feelings. Okay? You are not responsible for other people's feelings. I am not responsible for other people's feelings. However, you are responsible for your own and your peace is your responsibility. Your healing is your responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. It's not your moms, it's not your dads. It's not your brothers. It's not your sisters. It's not your best friends. It's not somebody on the internet. So let's stop the blame game and take responsibility for how we feel individually because how we feel individually is our responsibility. And if somebody in our lives is consistently triggering, then it's time to take action on limiting that exposure. Okay, next thing I want to touch on in regard to the holiday season and mentally preparing yourself is the aspect of ready for it Money, money, money, and I know that this can be an uncomfortable subject for many of us, but I'd like to destigmatize it because money can also be so empowering. Some of us are prone to showing our love through gift giving. I am one of those people. And then come January I look at my bank accounts. And I feel a deep sense of shame and regret for overspending. So what if you went into this holiday season chock full of self worth, and you only buy gifts within your budget and or don't give gifts at all, if they are not in your budget? What we buy people, even if our intentions are the purest of pure, does not equate or relate to our self worth. So the more you give someone doesn't make you better or more valuable. If you can't give them anything that doesn't make you any less valuable. And your emotional wellness does not need to be jeopardized during the holiday season. When it comes to spending money. And we all know what it feels like to put our heads on the pillow at night going, oh my gosh, am I gonna make it this month. So get proactive. And this is something that I've been toying with the last couple of seasons, decide how much you are willing and able to spend and don't go above it. I'm about to email out and post a blog post on gift ideas that fit pretty much every budget. So if you're looking for some fresh ideas, be on the lookout for that it's going to come out in my newsletter. And if you haven't signed up for my new newsletter, total side note that's in the show notes below. And it is such a fun breath of fresh air. So if you're looking for like creative, fun ways to make people feel special, but you don't want to spend a lot of money, I'm gonna have a variety of different things in there. So be on the lookout. Next thing I want to say is right now I'm reading a book called Money Master the Game by Tony Robbins, and company compounding interest, as boring as it sounds is absolutely incredible. So consider giving yourself a savings goal this holiday season, instead of a spending goal and put that money into an interest bearing savings account. Personally, I use victory capital and l vest. I'll add a link in the show notes for L vest that's specific for women. And I think if you follow that link, you can get three months free. But anyways, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I check my accounts and they've grown without me doing anything. And again, I am all about peace. So creating a sense of financial peace for your future is such a rewarding feeling. And it's going to be something that is a lasting reward. Versus and guys, no judgment because I get caught up in this to 100% but it's going to be more rewarding than a handbag or You know, a new sweater or whatever your Achilles heel is, when it comes to shopping or shopping for others. Having that financial peace of mind is it's invaluable. Okay, next thing I want to address is the crowds and panic buying full transparency. I'm not a Black Friday shopper hate it, just the thought of it gives me so much anxiety. And if you enjoy this activity, then by all means participate. But if you are like me, and you do not then consider this, and this is pretty obvious. But sometimes it's just nice to be reminded of the obvious, right? I like to write a list of the people I'm going to buy for for Christmas. Honestly, I keep this list really small, there are, there's less than 10 people on it. And I know a lot of people, everyone else gets a heartfelt Happy Holidays, verbally, or in the form of cookies or something homemade, or a card. Then, after I won't let me back up for the people that I am buying for. I make a list, I put all their names on the list. And I think I have like six, maybe seven. And then next to each person, I write the budget for their gift. And then next to that I write down what I'm buying them. And I order it online. I skip all the lines, all the crowds, all that frantic energy that invades my piece, and I get it all done. And then the gifts arrive at my doorstep and I can wrap them beautifully myself and be all prepared well in advance. This approach makes holiday shopping really easy for me and doesn't stress me out. Okay? Lastly, in regard to mentally prepping for the holidays that can keep your calm, not your chaos. I want to address perfectionism. As I know so many of us struggle with it. Me being one of those people. We are high achievers, we are people who want to learn and grow and uplevel. And like the card at the beginning of this episode said, we want to ascend, and sometimes that can have a byproduct or shadow side of perfectionism. First, perfection is not real. So striving for it is a losing battle. If you put your heart into something, that's enough, I'm going to repeat that. Again. If you put your heart into something, that's enough, whether it's a meal, or a gift, or your Christmas decor, it doesn't have to be perfect. Put your heart into it. And you'll know when you are tired and done. And let that be enough. We have got to stop equating our self worth with what others think of us. What we think about ourselves is of the utmost importance. And when perfectionistic thoughts creep in, or creep up, stop them in their tracks, create some awareness around them. assure yourself that you are doing your best in this moment. And I know that you are you don't have anything to prove beautiful listener. You being you is enough. Pregnancy has been forcing me to understand this on levels that I didn't know that I could understand this because I just can't keep up with what I normally could keep up with whether that's working out or cooking beautiful meals or hosting people etc. I just don't have the juice I normally do. And this has been frustrating, but it's also liberating. Because it helps me to see what's truly important and what really does not need to be a priority for me. I am who I am and that is enough. I do my best in every moment. And I let that be enough and sometimes your best one day is not going to be the same as your best for the next day because days fluctuate, life fluctuates hormones fluctuate, we fluctuate. And if you need a nap, take a freakin nap. You have full permission to take excellent care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually. The last thing I want to say is and it is in direct relation to last week's episode. This beautiful holiday season focus on being present. Enjoy yourself. Laugh, eat the food without guilt. Try not to take anything too seriously or too personally. These moments are fleeting and they go so fast and life goes so fast but presence your presence has a way of making the precious moments in life last