Confidence is an inside job (don't outsource your worth)

Beautiful listeners, how many times have you heard the phrase "confidence is key?"  I know I've heard it more times than I can count.  Now, how many times have you heard the phrase "fake it 'till you make it?"  I would venture to say you've probably heard this phrase more times than you can recall, as well.

From the outside, there is nothing wrong with these sayings.  Confidence is key.  It plays a huge role in how we show up in the world.  And sometimes we do have to fake it until we make it - especially in territory we have not wandered in before.  However, real confidence isn't just about how you present yourself in front of others - or pretending to be confident until you feel someday like you actually are.

Confidence is an inside job.  However, I believe we've been taught to outsource our confidence. Today's episode is all about how to take your confidence power back and KEEP IT.

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Jaclyn Steele

Transcript

Jaclyn Steele: 0:00

Hi, I am Jaclyn Steele. And welcome to self discovery. Howard Thurman so beautifully wrote, don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive, coming alive. That my friends, is what self discovery is all where that man All right, friends, welcome to today's episode, I have some personal stuff happening, I am going to be induced this week. So that means by the time you are listening to this, I'm probably going to be in the hospital, maybe with a baby, maybe not. My baby is coming a couple of weeks early I was diagnosed with it's called Kali stasis, which is not a serious condition if you catch it early on, but essentially, like my liver just can't keep up with the squishing the baby in my stomach, which is so not a medical way of explaining it. But essentially, the baby is big. And there's just no more room in the end. And so everything is being so squished that now it's not working properly. And I've had this like intense itching in my hands and feet. And so I went in on Sunday, and they said, You know what, you are over 37 weeks, the baby looks great. There's no point in prolonging this. So let's get him out this week. So that's what we're doing. So lots of adjustments and changes. As far as the podcast goes. I'm going to try and just keep it on schedule. Every Wednesday, I've tried to do a lot of prep work and preparation for the baby, I thought I was going to have three more weeks to do recordings and have stuff done. So things are a little late, please give me a little grace. I had planned on transitioning the name from self discovery to self worth mid month before the baby came. But I don't know if that's gonna happen now. So it is still happening. But life also happens. And this is just where I'm at. So yeah, I'm about to be a mom this week. And if I talk about it too much more, I'm gonna cry. Anyway, I want to get to today's content, because this is a really, really beautiful and important stuff. We are still in February, the theme is self worth. And again, it's so perfect as we transition from self discovery to self worth to be doing a deep dive into this because self worth, like the conversation I had with Jesse golden last week, it just it changes your life when it becomes part of your daily practice. So today's episode is about confidence and how it's an inside job, and how we so often outsource our worth. But we can not do that. We cannot be outsourcing the life juice that we have, we cannot make it dependent on anyone outside of ourselves. Oh, a couple pieces of business. If you want to join sacred rebel affirmations, all you have to do is text me with the number in the show notes. Sign up for my email list. It is something that probably for the next couple of weeks, I won't be able to keep up with but beyond that. It really is an extension of who I am. And this podcast is all about high vibe quotes, books, resources, podcast episodes, some that aren't even my own products that are incredible with discounts specifically for you guys. So if you haven't signed up for the scoop, you can also sign up for that in the show notes. Okay. I don't have a lot of time. So I'm going to dive right into today's content. How many times men beautiful listeners, have you heard the phrase? Confidence is key. I know that I've heard it more times than I can count. Now, how many times have you heard the phrase fake it till you make it? I would venture to say that you've probably heard this phrase more times than you can recall as well. From the outside. There's really nothing wrong with these sayings. Confidence is key plays a huge role in how we show up in the world right Sometimes we do have to fake it until we make it, especially in territory we have not wandered in before. However, real confidence isn't just about how you present yourself in front of others. It's also not about pretending to be confident until you feel someday, like you actually are. Confidence in my opinion and experience is an inside job. However, I believe that we have been taught societally, culturally, probably familiarly, that confidence can be outsourced. We look outside of ourselves for compliments for affirmation, whether that's from social media, or a family member, or a friend or a co worker or a boss, we are consistently handing over the power of our competence to other people. And what I mean by that is, so many of us are taught to base our confidence on like how well we do in school, our performance on the sports field, our performance in the workplace, how we look, what our weight is, how many accolades we have accrued in life, the way we think others see us how much money we have, what our clothes look like, and how expensive they are, where we live, and how we live, what kind of car we drive, you guys don't have to you don't need any more examples you can get on social media and see examples of this within 30 seconds. We've been taught that confidence is about what we do and what we look like instead of who we are. And this is dangerous, my friends, this is so dangerous. Why? Because it requires us to outsource how we feel and leave it up to the perception of others. And as we already know, the perception of others is volatile. It's always changing. Someone may love you one day, and really disagree or dislike with you the next all we have to do is look at Taylor Swift's name in the tabloids. Right? One day, she is touted as America's golden girl. And a few short weeks or months later, she's being accused of dating recklessly and using people as songwriting material. If She based her confidence, her self worth on what other people were saying about her, her inner dialogue would resemble a roller coaster at Disney World, up and down and inside and out and all kinds of exhilarating and deflated. If we base our confidence solely on what we produce, and how others perceive us, we will be basing our confidence on shifting sand. We are going to win some and we are going to lose some and that is just life, being great at things as part of it and also failing at things as part of it and all of it is important, equally important. So that begs the question now, how do we stop outsourcing our confidence? How do we stop handing this precious trait over to someone else's hands? Today's episode is powered by the golden secrets. This incredible skincare line was birthed from the heart and soul of Jessie golden, who if you don't know who she is yet, you should listen to episode 102 of this podcast because I interviewed her and you're going to absolutely fall in love with her I'm telling you. But this lie in the golden secrets is a holistic, sustainable, Fairtrade wild harvested and cruelty free skincare and wellness line that wants to inspire rituals of self love, and unveil a natural ageless golden glow. It's rooted in nature, ancient wisdom and organic beauty. The Golden secrets is committed to giving back and providing tools for the conscious consumer to live a more balanced, fulfilled beautiful and purposeful life. sound like something you want to be a part of. Yep, me too. The Golden Secret's thrives on making skincare and wellness products that benefit everybody. all ethnicities, sexual orientations and specific skincare needs skincare that doesn't harm you or the environment but instead works in harmony to awaken it. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Also, every product comes with an affirmation and a QR code so you can quickly learn how to use the product. I love combining affirmations with things we do every day. It transforms something as mundane as putting on your moisturizer into a sacred moment. And if you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you know I'm all about that this line is it's just next level, I have their youth beauty face oil, their aura beauty mist, Sorcerer's Stone guasha beauty tool, gold pulse firming face wand, and this sculpting stone guasha body tool. I've also heard rave reviews about the golden secrets heal all oil. So that's next on my list. I use these products pretty much daily. And my gosh, I could go on for days about the benefits of guasha. Which if you buy any of their guasha tools, you get a giant ebook chock full of info on how to use it, and why it's so transformative. And why the stone specifically, the composition of the stone is so important. It's not like other guasha tools at all. I'm also so in awe of the youth beauty face oil, it immediately absorbs into your skin, it plumps it up, it gives you this golden glow, and the aura mist penetrates your skin and locks in moisture five times better than hyaluronic acid. Guys, it's a total game changer, especially if you live in the desert like me. And in addition, this might be my favorite product. Although it's really hard to say the gold pulse firming face one not only feels amazing, it helps a race the tiny Forehead Wrinkles I have I've watched in all multiple times in the mirror as those little bad boys disappear as I use this tool. I cannot recommend this line enough it is next level on every level. So do yourself a favor and go to the Golden secrets.com or follow the link in the show notes and use code. Jaclyn 10 for 10% off your order. Again, code Jaclyn 10 will get you 10% off your order, all the information is in the show notes. You are going to love every product he tried from the golden secrets, I just know it. We create awareness around the fact that we are doing it in the first place. We start noticing when we are feeling really confident and why we start paying attention to those moments we are feeling insecure. And figure out why paying attention to how we are feeling and figuring out why we are feeling that way is truly life changing. And why is that? Because if we know the reason why we are feeling a particular way, we can either do something about it and change it or dive deeper and figure out how to continue to feel that way. So it's all about awareness, my friends, True Confidence. It comes from the inside out. And it's not necessarily unshakable. If we are on a trajectory of growth, we will come up against fear and insecurity. Again, that's part of life, it's normal. However, when we are truly confident from the inside out, and we are coming from a place of self worth and acting out of a state of self worth, we know that our confidence belongs to us and us alone. Does that make sense? Okay, so what is what does all of this mean? Let's look at an example. The first person that popped into my mind is Danielle Laporte. She is an author and spiritual teacher who has amassed quite a following over the last decade or so. And she's been recognized by Oprah as a thought leader. She's from Canada and from what I know she had humble but loving beginnings. She is divorced. She has a beautiful son, she is attractive, but not necessarily like Giselle Bundchen standards attractive, okay. And she is smart and thoughtful and uses words in a very poetic and authentic way that only she can use them because they're coming directly from her heart. Her books have been so successful, her podcast has been so successful. She creates and creates and creates and an audience is waiting for each new creation. She puts out. Her confidence exudes in everything she does. But her confidence and I feel like this is so evident in her work isn't based on what she does, is based on who she is. It's coming from the inside and I know this because I've read her books. She's done the work of knowing what she stands for, and what she doesn't. What she's done that has worked really well. And what she's done that hasn't, she's gotten really honest about it. She isn't afraid to put herself out there publicly, because she knows that no matter what she can pick herself up and keep going. How amazing is that? How inspiring is that. And so what I'm saying here is that her confidence is based on her knowing her own heart, her innermost workings, what she's really made of her confidence doesn't hinge on how successful her offerings are, her confidence hinges on the state of her heart. When we are brave enough to be in relationship with ourselves on this level, confidence is a natural byproduct. Okay, for instance, let's say you are in a conversation with friends, and someone you love and respect is offended by something you said. Are you shaken in this instance? Or are you calm? When you know yourself deeply, you know your intentions. And in that moment, you can ask yourself, did I offend this person on purpose? Or were my intentions pure. And if my intentions were pure, that it's not my responsibility that someone is offended. Another instance, you want to, let's say, start a podcast, which I highly recommend doing. You write a few episodes, you record them, you edit them, and then you share them with the world. And at first, you only have a few listeners, let's say it's less than 10. Do you give up and say, I suck at this? Or do you say, every great thing takes time, I had this desire to start this podcast for a reason. And I know my heart here, and I know what I'm talking about. I'm just going to give it some time to catch on. Speaking from personal experience, I felt such jitters when I started this podcast. And gosh, for those first few months, I did not have a lot of listeners. But I knew myself and I felt in my bones. But I knew myself and I felt in my bones that what I had to offer the world, through my words, meant something, and that it had the power to help and inspire and uplift people. So I kept going, I didn't focus on the number of downloads, I focused on the message and how I was feeling creating the message. And now we have something like 25,000 downloads or more. So stick with it. If you have a gut instinct to do something, give it some time. I'm going to give you another example. You are with your family, and you share an idea you have for a change you want to make in your life. Let's say it's regarding a career change. And they don't understand it. They ask you a bunch of questions. Maybe they even doubt your ability. Do you shrink and adopt their low vibe narrative and give up on this idea that you feel like is from your gut? Or do you say to yourself, I was given this idea for a reason. I may not have every step figured out. But neither did Elon Musk when he started Tesla. I know that I have grit and then I can make this happen baby step by baby step by baby step. And I know that because I've gotten this far in life, baby step by baby step by baby step. We're never going to have it all figured out at once. We are called it's part of our learning in this human experience, to take things one step at a time. But when we have those divine downloads, those beautiful ideas to start acting on them even when the plan the full plan, the full roadmap isn't totally clear. Is this making sense? It all starts with the awareness of how you are feeling in any given situation. Because then then you can pivot accordingly. Then it rests on you knowing yourself, knowing what you are made of knowing who you are and where you've come from and how far you've traveled to get there. You don't need to be perfect. None of us are. You don't need to be right 100% of the time. You don't need to win at everything. You just need to know that you have what it takes to keep going and growing. That, to me, is the root of real confidence. Its resilience. Because no matter which way this world is shape shifting, and it will continue to do so you know that your inner workings are on solid ground. Confidence, my friends isn't about what you do. It's about who you are inside. We can always work on becoming better versions of ourselves. But my hunch is that if you are listening to this, you are already a pretty fantastic human. So beautiful listener, go out into the world today knowing that who you are, is more than enough and that your confidence stems from the state of your heart. Not the perception of the ever changing world around you