Level up by easing up on self-judgment

Let's talk about judging. We all do it, right? And it seems the last few years have culturally encouraged us to stop judging each other so much, but what about the judging of ourselves? What kind of talk do you engage in with yourself on the daily? Does it lift you up or tear you down? Today's episode is all about detoxing from self-judgement and why doing this will level up your life.

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Jaclyn Steele

Transcript

Jaclyn Steele: 0:58

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to today's episode of self worth with Jaclyn Steele. I'm Jaclyn Steele. And I'm so happy that you are here today. I want to start this episode, Episode 123, which I titled level up by easing up on self judgment. And I want to start this episode by asking you a couple of questions. Who do you think will prosper faster? A child that is encouraged and loved, or a child that is ridiculed? And neglected? The answer to this is pretty obvious, right? And I don't mean to be demeaning in any way by asking such a simple question. But I think it's poignant to think about this. We all know the answer is it's the child that is encouraged, and loved. But when it comes to ourselves, when it comes to you, how do you treat yourself? What is the internal default dialogue that you have on repeat? And I'm asking myself the same questions, by the way. Life lately, and I'm sure you felt it, too. It's just been so busy. Personally, I'm coming off of an almost full month of travel with a five month old. And I'm getting back into my normal routine. And as I'm getting back into my normal routine, and writing podcast episodes, and looking at the themes that I've chosen, July specifically, is about judgment, and detoxing from judgment. And when I chose this theme last October, I thought I'd have plenty of time to marinate on it. But the truth is, this is one of the monthly topics I chose, that I struggle with the most. And it's not so much that I struggle with judging other people, although, of course, I do that. It's that I struggle so deeply with judging myself. I'm going to share with you some of my default dialogue. And when I'm aware when I'm in a good place, when I'm well rested, and my mind is right, I don't struggle so much with this, I've done a lot of work around it. But when I'm tired, on amount of my routine, when I'm in another place, and I feel like I'm constantly on defense instead of offense, meaning like, I'm just not grounded, then this is my default dialogue. goes something like this, or some variation of these statements. Number one, you should be further by now, who can relate to this. I know I'm not the only one another. What do you have to show for all your years of work? Another, why aren't you making more money? Another, you will be worthy of that. When you make more money, when you prove your value. You can relate to that one feeling like you always have to prove yourself. Here's another, if you just try harder, you will get their approval. Y'all. That one has been subconscious for me for so long. Especially with family members just wanting to prove, Hey, I am trustworthy, I'm lovable, I'm kind I'm caring, I can, whatever. Going above and beyond breaking my back trying to prove myself another one. And this is related to that. Prove yourself to them. Gosh, I feel like and maybe this is just a flaw in our school systems. But feeling from a super young age like I have to prove my intelligence I have to prove my athletic ability. I have to prove what wonderful character I have and how I know how to follow the rules and I know how to to behave. I need to prove that I'm a good friend. I need to prove that I'm pretty I need to prove that I'm popular. Whatever. Prove yourself to them. That is a very negative judgment that I've put on myself. Another one, you have to work on your stomach muscles. You don't want to see section shelf. I don't even like admitting this one because I don't even like putting that energy out. And again when I'm in a good place when I'm grounded. I don't struggle with these judgments. But when I'm not grounded, when I'm out of my routine when I'm not taking care of myself properly, my default dialogue is to be critical of myself to pick myself apart every cell. Another one, hold your arms out, you don't want them to look fat. I struggled with so many body image issues growing up, you know, I was in high school. And I feel like it's impossible to live anywhere in the world. Now, unless you are in a place that has zero marketing, and not suffer from body image issues or feeling like you have to have a certain body type. And I grew up and went to high school in the early 2000s. I graduated in 2005. And that was really at the height of like, Jennifer Aniston and Lindsay Lohan, and all of these super beautiful women, Kate Moss, super, super beautiful women who were waif like thin. And what happened to my internal psyche, my immature and not immature and like, I behaved poorly, but just a young person psyche. I had this belief that in order to be deemed beautiful, worthy, whatever, I had to be waiflike thin. And it led to an eating disorder that I struggled with for several years, it got so bad, it got to the point where I didn't get my period for like, months, almost a year, I got so thin that my body was not carrying out the actions that a healthy body is supposed to carry out. That's not okay. Now, as somebody who is on the verge of turning 36, I look back at that precious girl and I have such compassion for her such compassion. But at the time, I was judging myself around every corner to the point that it ended up in a really bad eating disorder. Now, my challenge is to continue to forgive that girl, and not judge myself for what I did during that time. And also, to now and moving forward, speak to myself in a way that empowers me. That allows me to think more expansively that allows me to relish in the fact that my body is vibrant, and working. And it just brought a child into this world. There's so much to celebrate ours about ourselves, specifically, our bodies and what they do for us on a daily basis. Our bodies are amazing. They take in water, and they take in food and they give us fuel and energy. We have eyes to see and ears to hear, mouths to speak, fingers to touch. It's a miracle that we are here right now. Yet we berate ourselves for not looking a certain way, or making enough money or not being whatever enough. You get the idea Today's episode is powered by in bloom. This is one of my favorite supplement companies and they offer a holistic approach to nutrition centered on physical health, mental clarity, and beauty from the inside out. They have nutrition from nature, so it's plant based, vegan, gluten free, no synthetic ingredients non GMO, sugar free, are you with me? They have essential vitamins enhancing nutrients, multiplex blends, and most of their supplements are powders. Why? Because powders are more bio available, which means they enter your blood flow and digestive systems more efficiently. They are more readily available for your body to accept and digest. And they're easy to use. They can be shaken or whisked into a liquid or blended into wellness recipes and smoothies. And the website to be in bloom has many recipes highly recommend checking that out. Also their ingredients are sustainably sourced. Their packaging is earth friendly, including Omni degradable, they're reusable, and they have recycled options, which is so cool. I literally have every single supplement that they have on their website. But one of the A supplements that I go to regularly is their plant protein and anti stress herbal blend. I drink this almost every day. As a new mom cooking lunch is just not really an option for me right now. So making a protein shake, knowing I have something healthy and something super quick is just totally what I'm into and their protein is delicious. It satisfies your hunger, it improves your glucose levels, and it feeds your body what it craves and helps combat the negative impacts of stress. It's got a green protein blend reishi mushroom, elderberry cinnamon bark, ginger, dandelion root, cocoa, I'm telling you, this protein is so delicious. I mix it with almond milk and then call it a day. Again, I have every supplement that is on their website because I love to be curious and try different things. And I have enjoyed every single one also absolutely love the probiotic. All right to try out to be in bloom go to to be in bloom.com and use code Jaclyn Steele 10 off for 10% off your order. Again, that is to be in bloom.com and use code Jaclyn Steele 10 off for 10% off your order. I know you will absolutely love this supplement brand. If I'm not careful, my inner dialogue is just nasty. And you know what the really sad thing is here is that most people have a nasty inner dialogue. We are judging ourselves repeatedly around every corner. Nothing is ever good enough. We aren't thin enough, our hair isn't thick enough, we don't make enough money, our house isn't trendy enough or big enough, our car isn't cool enough, our clothes aren't expensive enough, our investments aren't thriving enough, we don't travel enough. If only we could look a little bit more like her or have the success that she has, or do whatever that celebrity does, then then we will be worthy. We judge ourselves into a perpetual cycle of self defeat, and it becomes a self fulfilling promise. One that says we are not worthy of blank until we are blank. Does that sound familiar? For example, we are not worthy of love. Until we are thin. We are not worthy of being thin until we are dieting restrictively. We are not worthy of money until we are famous or beautiful or smart or have that whatever degree we are not worthy of fame until we're beautiful enough or whatever enough. We are not worthy of joy. Until we have X amount of dollars in the bank. We are not worthy of peace until our house is perfectly clean. We are not worthy of nice clothes, until we look a certain way. We are not worthy of massage. Until we work out until we drop. We are not worthy of rest. Until we are burnt out from working so hard. In the West in our culture. There really is so little balance. So little moderation. We judge ourselves so hard for not being worthy of something unless we do something for it unless we prove ourselves or we earn it or we work super hard for it, etc. A big one is rest. Especially for women. We always are doing doing doing. We don't allow ourselves to rest until our bodies get sick. Which is a sure sign. We are way overdoing it. What if though, just roll with me here on this? What if we decided that we are worthy of the things we want? The things we cherish the feelings we desire right now without having to do anything that punishes ourselves for them. It's not an either or it's not it down the line. I will be able to do that when I am blank. What if we allow ourselves that joy, that purchase that feeling that whatever right now what if your worth It is not attached to any judgment at all. What if instead of not being worthy of love until you were thin, you are just worthy of love? What if instead of not being worthy of peace until your house is perfect? You are just worthy of peace? Right now? As is? How would your life change, if you deem yourself worthy, without having to do anything first without having to prove anything first without having to earn anything first? What if we stopped parading ourselves and started encouraging ourselves instead? What do you think might happen? What if instead of saying, I'm fat, you said, my body is vibrant? And it keeps me alive? What if instead of saying, I should be further by now, which is something I struggle with saying myself, you said, Wow, look how much I've learned in my time on this earth. How exciting that I have all these tools in my toolbox as I move forward. Friends, we are here, listening to this podcast, because we want to own our worth. I am here writing and recording this podcast because I want to own my worth. I want to walk in the world full and fully expanded. This is a lifelong practice. Yes. And becoming aware of how we judge ourselves is an essential step. If we want to walk in worth, we cannot cannot make massive leaps. If we have weights of judgment around our ankles, we must do the work of letting these go. It's a daily practice of choosing better thoughts. I've shared this mantra before. And I'm sure I'll share it again. It is one that I came up with a couple of years ago that I keep returning to and it is this. Choose the loving thought. I'm going to repeat it again. Choose the loving thought. This simple shift will change your life. Here's an exercise. bring awareness to the ways in which you judge yourself. Write them down, even if you can't do it right now. Return to this episode, return to this idea and do it. bring awareness to the ways in which you judge yourself, write them down. Then I want you to read them. Pay attention to how they make you feel. Do you want to feel like that? Would you speak to anyone else like that? If not, if you don't want to speak to anyone else like that, if you don't want to feel like that, if you don't want to speak to yourself like that, then wonderful. Because there's a better way, we can literally cross those judgments out and replace them with higher vibrational thoughts and patterns. Literally, cross out your judgments and write down high vibe replacements. This is an exercise that you can do daily. This is something that you can return to over and over again. Once you have higher vibrational thoughts, I encourage you to write them daily. Or even write one daily, put it on a post it note and put it on your mirror. detoxing from self judgment is something that we need to work on daily. And doing this exercise. Putting a post it note on your mirror or note on your phone is the background whatever it is, whatever will help you to remember how incredible you are. Do it. Here's a for instance, you can take I have to prove my intelligence to the world and change it to I delight in my intelligence. It seeps out of me naturally in ways that are effortless. Do you see the difference? One is low vibe and one is high vibe. We can always choose higher thoughts. Always. Okay. Now let's go back to the concept I shared at the beginning of this episode. Who do you think will prosper foster a child that is loved and encouraged? Or child that is ridiculed and neglected? How are you treating that inner child of yours that has now become an adult. How do you think you can prosper faster? I'm going to end with a few inspirational quotes about judgment. Feeling bad is not the problem. The problem is that we feel bad about feeling bad. Once you begin to let go of feeling bad about feeling bad, and start feeling better, about feeling better, then pretty soon, you'll just feel better. And then you'll feel awesome. Eric Michael Leventhal. Next quote. I know so many of you are trying very hard to feel better Herculean effort, I see you. Unfortunately, loads of this effort is beaten down by negative self judgments. If you get rid of those healing, instantly becomes so much easier. God, amen. Last one, to liberate yourself from your own self judgment is to liberate others from it as well. To love yourself is an act of love for the world. Friends, let's liberate ourselves from self judgment, and in doing so, liberate others as well. Thank you for being here today.